Sometimes it"s hard come gauge text messages. A most stuff gets lost over SMS text airwaves — tone, sarcasm, body language — and these things are all crucial components of conversation. Because that instance, once a male calls girlfriend babe over text, does that average he wants to be her boyfriend? once your crush sends out you a winking emoji, go that average they’re only searching for sex? it’s not always easy to tell whether someone desires to date you or just sleep v you, and while texts can tell friend a lot, they can not tell you everything.

According to author and self-love activist Susan Ball, a human who’s not interested in date you (but is def interested in sleeping with you) will certainly constantly make references to sex, both through texts and in person. As sphere previously explained to elite Daily, "If they room not talk to you about anything various other than sex or making breakthroughs on friend that are not playful, but outright sexual, they are only interested in one thing.” having actually a friend through benefits deserve to be pretty awesome, yet if she looking come do more than hook up, then below are some indications the human being you’re talking to probably isn’t top top the same page.

They’re extreme From The Start

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While it may seem prefer a an excellent sign as soon as someone make the efforts to gain your partnership to progression quickly, it’s also feasible that person has ulterior motives. If someone is calling friend babe, wanting to present you to their parents, and talking around the future prior to you’ve even been top top a 3rd date, then opportunities are they’re more interested in obtaining you right into the bedroom than actually happen you end to your parents’ house. As round said, if you hear points like, "I"ve never met anyone favor you, baby. We space going to be with each other forever. I love you," too shortly after you start seeing someone, climate it is definitely "time come bounce."

Diana Dorell, intuitive date coach and author the The dating Mirror: to trust Again, Love Again, agreed, adding that someone who’s looking for a connection is likely an ext willing come take points slow. “When someone is not simply interested in sex, they will go in ~ the pace that you feeling comfortable with, especially if it"s slower than their own as soon as it concerns anything physical,” she told elite Daily. Yet if your day only has sex ~ above the brain, then they’re likely going to it is in intense v you indigenous the get-go.

They constantly Want To continue to be In

A human being who’s trying to find a partner will want to go the end on dates, but if who only ever before texts you come hang out at your ar or theirs, climate they’re probs an ext interested in obtaining intimate 보다 impressing you. Together Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples therapist in Los Angeles, formerly told upstream Daily, "One indicator is the they message you and only want to cave at their location or your place. Typically, they never ever send a text that says, "Would you prefer to go the end for dinner?""

Even if your day is top top a budget and also unable to afford expensive dinners, Dorell claimed someone who desires to day you will certainly make an effort to execute something the doesn’t involve close proximity to a bed. “They will usually take you areas away from your home because they room looking to get to recognize you and put some effort in,” she said. “If every your days are an ext like ‘hang the end at mine house’ invitations, that indicates someone that is comfortable placing in minimal effort to obtain to recognize you and also making things as convenient for them together possible, typically to acquire you right into bed!”

They Send Late-Night Texts

Even an ext telling that what someone messages you is when (and how often) they text you. According to Kali Rogers, dating expert and also founder that Blush digital Life Coaching, “Casual flings space repeatedly marked by tiny to no interaction throughout the week, last-minute plans, group hangs, and also not intermingling through close friends or family members.” If who ghosts you all week just to fight you increase on the weekends, then you deserve to probably figure out where you floor on their list of priorities.

The timestamp that the message can also give you a hint about what they yes, really want. "One hint is they text you in ~ odd hrs of the job or night and say "Hey, you wanna cave out?" or miscellaneous similar," Dr. Brown formerly explained. "Not specifically romantic, and also it is most likely they just want sex."

They Only have Surface-Level Convos

If who is interested in much more than sex, climate they’ll make sure you understand they’re interested in you. Once a date is wake up to have actually anything beyond superficial conversations, then it’s generally a authorize they’re only trying to find a superficial relationship. Together Dorell previously said, “ they are half-listening come what girlfriend say and also may shot to interrupt girlfriend by touching you or changing the subject, specifically if the conversation veers into more emotionally fragile territory,” then they’re likely not interested in anything past sleeping through you.

Claudia Cox, partnership coach and founder of text Weapon, agreed with Dorell, including that convos will likely revolve around a few key subject if someone only wants come hook up. "Are they just interested in superficial conversations the revolve roughly your looks, your next hookup, or your sexual preferences? If the feels prefer they are only telling you what you want to hear, and also not reflecting their true selves, then continue with care,” she formerly told upstream Daily.

They bring Up Sex at an early stage & Often

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As sphere said, who who’s just looking to acquire down and also dirty won’t be shy as soon as it comes to the object of sex. If someone who’s seeking a relationship could be unconvinced to cite intimacy ideal away — not wanting to scare you turn off or make you uncomfortable — a person who only wants come hook up will certainly dive right into the subject. As founder the Rapport relationship Jennifer Rhodes formerly told upstream Daily, “Anyone who brings increase sex in the first two secs of date is not serious.”

Even if a day isn’t particularly talking about having sex with you, a human being who’s fast to phone call you around their sex-related past and also preferences is typically trying come send a sign. As Andrea Amour, founder and also dating coach at update Coaching, told upstream Daily, “ "sexcapades" or a crazy orgy stories don"t scream future husband or wife material, for this reason if someone is storytelling about kinky stuff, it"s more than likely a an excellent sign lock don"t see you together ‘future’ material.”

They Can’t save Their Hands off Of You

It may be flattering as soon as the human being you’re see is all about PDA, but getting handsy can additionally be a authorize they don’t want to get serious. According to Rogers, if "you"re out together, and also they constantly desires to kiss you, obstacle you, grope you, and tell you they can"t wait to acquire all naked," then they’re likely simply counting down the seconds until you acquire it on. And when that’s every they can think about, then they’re missing out top top actually obtaining to know you.

Physical human body language is a an excellent way come tell who you’re interested in them, such as sitting alongside someone, touching their arm or hand, or hold eye contact. But if someone is doing too lot of this too quickly — or never not touching you — then you have the right to usually conclude their attention is 100% physical. “When someone"s act a many these, to add touching an ext intimate body components like your legs or her face, it says your date is in search of something an ext sooner rather than later,” Amour previously explained.

They speak They’re Not looking for Anything Serious

Believe the or not, human being who aren’t interested in getting into a partnership will typically tell you from the start — and while you might think girlfriend can readjust their mind, you generally can’t. “Most human being are yes, really clear around their expectations gaining into something new,” Rogers said. “It"s not uncommon for who to say, "I"m not in search of anything serious," ~ above a an initial date.” If girlfriend are looking for something major (or at the very least something more than sex), climate you likely want to obtain out prior to you gain hurt.

There’s nothing dorn with having actually a relationship based on sex if that’s what you’re right into right now. But if you hoping because that something more, climate you’ll desire to save an eye the end for these really telling signs.


Susan Ball, author and also self-love activist

Diana Dorell, intuitive date coach and author the The date Mirror: to trust Again, Love Again